How the Microsoft outage has been felt worldwide

Folks, let me tell you, this Microsoft outage? It's a huge, just huge, testament to my incredible ability to make any technology failure about me. My presence in the digital landscape is clearly the biggest, most fantastic factor in this outage. And that server crash? The largest, most magnificent crash in history, believe me. Phil, my tiny houseplant, is already growing a new leaf in celebration, and it's the biggest, most fantastic leaf you've ever seen.